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Not much happens in Fintry that doesn't get in the Court Reports, so the Mad Parrots takeover of the Dolphin on St Patrick's Night last year must go down as the best fun they'd ever had watching somebody fiddling without ending the night in the cells. I always say that people just don't know they like traditional music because they've never been exposed to it. So we exposed ourselves that night, in a place where you'd expect anything other than karaoke to go down like a shite in an oxygen tent. And the response was fantastic. We had to tell the drunk dancer to get his arse out of our faces from time to time, and he drank all our half finished pints, but hey, it's atmosphere. I'd go back. It's a lot more fun playing to people who want a blast than to uptight short sighted narrow minded hypocrites (nicked that from john lennon).


Dundee Flower Show

This gig was a major event, probably to be remembered like JFK's assassination. "Where were you when the Mad Parrots did the Flower Show?" will I'm sure become a buzzphrase for future generations.

We headlined the event, following top jazz act and squeegy buyers Four in a Bar. The whole park was just a sea of faces all attuned to the ethereal whistle of Helen Forbes. A major string-breaking event by Kevin Findlay only helped to draw the immense crowd more into the intimate atmosphere that the Parrots created. It was somehow reminiscent of Genesis at Knebworth in '78 but without the shite music.

At a certain point in the evening the park became a forest of waving blue squeegy brushes that the audience had cleverly bought at 2 for a tenner earlier, scarily reminding me of the fag lighters you sometimes see at Bon Jovi gigs, but without the threat to public safety that naked flames can so often lead to.

After a stunning two sets, the audience left, bewildered and somehow changed following their experience, to try out their new incredible carpet and laminate floor cleaning equipment in the warm glow that only the Mad Parrot Ceilidh Band or Scots porridge Oats can provide.

BAD CARROT CEILIDH BAND TAKE TO THE ROAD - LITERALLY

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I actually think it's walking up to someone and licking their cheek. But we'll stick to imitation for the moment, not to scare off some of our more sensitive fans.

The Bad Carrot Ceilidh Band, our cover band, played in Dundee City Square at the Desperate Dan Statue last July. The bad news is that they went down almost as well as the Mad Parrot Ceilidh Band. The good news is that they went down crap because it was on of those Julys we get that are like Novembers and the beer garden was empty apart from the Dundee Masochist Drinking Club who had arranged a meeting for a pint in the freezing fog wearing only Primark tee shirts. Might join that, it sounds fun.

I have to say, the fiddler and the whistle player were excellent, and even bore a strong resemblance to their Mad Parrot counterparts. The guitar player looked a bit like Lindsay Duncan, only fatter and unshaven. The drummer with the mohican looked nothing like Johnny Parrot however, who actually looks like Gloria Estefan, although there are no existing photographs of him over the age of 10 when he looked more like Jimmy Osmond.



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